What I have learnt.
I recently spent some time processing some painful memories. A friend of mine told me to journal about why I keep remembering these memories and what benefits me holding on to them. What I realised through the activity was that I was allowing myself to keep going over the memories to remind myself why I stopped having a relationship with the person and avoid contact as a form of protection.
Also, processing helped me realise that through continuing to blame the other person for all the shitty things they have put me through, I can continue to play the victim and stay angry, without having to have a relationship with them and continue to avoid being hurt. I was taking no accountability in my role to forgive and release and therefore, the cycle of memories continued.
What I didn't realise what all that was going on unconsciously, the power of the brain and how it adapts to protect us and keep us safe.
Every time I have been near this person, I leave feeling emotional and I have had triggering memories. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am ready to forgive, let go and move forward with my life, which may include them being in it in some form. What I have realised is that this processing has helped me analyze my own behavior and role in playing a victim and not being vulnerable enough to move forward. Now that I understand my behaviors, I am going to be vulnerable because "Being vulnerable can help us work through our emotions easier." (Author unknown).
Brene Brown says that vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, authenticity and love. therefore, without being vulnerable I am missing out on experiencing all those things. After all YOLO, right?
I am writing this blog with hope that you will think about your own behaviors and hold yourself accountable for your own healing. We are here to give love and be loved but that requires vulnerability in itself x
Jodi
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