Trigger warning: If what you're about to read is triggering for you, please reach out for support or contact lifeline on 13 11 14.
As an adult, I have struggled emotionally with the Trauma I carried with me from childhood. What I didn't realise was that is what it was (Trauma). I thought that Trauma was big harmful events such as being bashed, abused, burnt, or in a car accident. There was always someone I knew that had been through worse. Those things of course are all Trauma. However, Trauma can look like many things and it can go unseen, stored secretly away in our bodies waiting to be unlocked. We might not see it but it is there. In my experience, I have come to learn that it presents in many ways, such as an illness in our bodies, triggers we experience and may not understand before processing, immune system issues, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, behaviour issues, imposter syndrome, addictions and mental health issues to name a few. Some of which I have or do currently experience.
What is Trauma?
According to The Centre for Health Care Strategies, "Trauma is a pervasive problem. It results from exposure to an incident or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life-threatening with lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, and/or spiritual well-being" (2021).
The child in the picture (me) experienced Trauma. There were many experiences and they happened over a long period of time. Abuse, Domestic Violence, grooming behaviours, and living with AOD users (Alcohol and other Drug). My parents divorced, my best friend left at an important time in my life, and I was bullied a lot. There are so many things that I went through that are classed as Trauma. I don't need to talk about them all to validate them happening. They happened.
Looking at the child in the picture, who would know? It's only as an adult Iv been able to validate and unpack my experiences, process them in a healthy way, and release and let go. I had stored them deep in my body and it's taken years to get where I am.
Forgiveness, of course, is in there too. I am learning to open my heart up again to those who wronged me so I can be at peace with my past, and live with a healthy mind body and soul.
How to move past Trauma
For a long period of time, I shut so many people out. Not seeing them felt right at the time. I honestly never thought id let them back in. It's funny how healing and forgiveness work. Shutting people out, never really worked, there was always a void.
I always felt like I was missing something. I can't say that my life is perfect and all those traumas have gone away. life isn't that perfect, it's a journey and one I am still on today and no doubt until the day I die. Trauma doesn't go, it's something you learn to manage and live with.
It's been quite a Journey to get to this point. What has really worked, is working on understanding my experiences through other people's lenses. What I mean by that is learning about how a person's childhood, attachment style, Trauma and how they were parented impacts their parenting and other relationships. It doesn't excuse their behaviour in any way, however, it just helps understand it. For me, this has been a part of the healing process.
I began receiving Reiki to help relax me. Little did I know at the time that it also helped me release the emotional baggage I had stored away in my body and help me begin to open my heart back up and heal. I had counselling to process my childhood experiences, triggers and emotions and work on my imposter syndrome. Also, I focus on good self-care, so when I am giving to others my cup doesn't empty, I am always giving the overflow, keeping me emotionally stable.
In closing, Trauma is many things and it can look different in every person. Your feelings and experiences are no less than someone else's and you deserve to feel happy. It is possible to heal from and live with Trauma, it just takes hard work and a lot of time.
Dig deep and keep on keeping on.
I would love you to leave a comment if you relate to my blog.
love and light - always Jodi x
Great post. Thanks for sharing of yourself - that takes courage. I think many people misunderstand trauma. Everyone experiences things differently, so we can’t decide what was traumatic for someone, we just need to accept it.